Monday, March 26, 2012

Old Habits, New Reflections

I just spent the last half hour re-reading my blog entries from last year around this time. I thought I was at the same place that I was last year, but I'm wrong. I am about 10 pounds heavier this year. How'd that happen? Really? As I was reading I came across a lot of habits that I am currently still displaying, Goodnuff recently posted about "teaching and an old dog new tricks", I need to learn some new tricks too. When I'm bored- I eat. When I'm stressed I eat. When I don't have anything else to do- I eat. I eat when I'm hungry, I eat when I'm when I'm not. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad. The only common denominator is that, well I eat. I need to relearn my body to only eat when I need to eat or else I'm never going to get to my goal and stay there. How many times have I lost the same 20 pounds and gained them back only to try to lose them again? How many times could I have been done by now?

I had a fail today. I am at the besties house babysitting for her and I was tasked to make dinner. Simple enough, I brought my own food and snacks so it shouldn't have been a problem. So I'm making dinner and I'm kinda hungry, but I can't eat my dinner before the kids do so what do I do? I look in the cabinet and see what's in there. Chips! Wow, I never have chips at my house. It won't hurt to indulge in a few. A few turns into a mindless munch session, hark yet! Another bag of a different flavor, lets try these too... munch munch munch. Wait, o'er yonder way, is that a bag of marshmallows? And close at hand a jar of nutella? My my, I've never had nutella though I've heard wonderful things. Let's give that a try. Wow, that IS good, munch munch munch... I was full before dinner was done. Whenever I come here there are so many things that I don't allow in my house that my eyes grow wide and I can't stop myself. How do I overcome that? I knew what I was doing, but I didn't care. Now I'm sitting here a belly full of sugar and carbs, over calories for the day, and a full 8 hours before I'll be in bed. Oh yeah, and 10 pounds heavier than this time last year. At what point do we learn those new tricks? I can't keep doing this, I have got to make food my ex-best friend.

Any suggestions?

Weekly Weigh In

This week was a week of new beginnings. I didn't do my best, but I did a hell of a lot better than I have in a while. I went to the gym twice and tried to stay active at home as well. I completed a few major tasks around the house and have been sticking to my diet plan as well. This weigh in I have lost 4.4 pounds! I'm not surprised since it's my first week really back on it, but I know that I'll have to work extra hard this week to keep up the pace. Hope everyone is doing well, I've been reading but haven't had the time to post any thoughtful comments. I'm still getting my head together, but I'm definitely making progress. Good luck this week ladies!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

3FC Followers Please Read

I'm posting here to comment to any 3FC follower:

I don't know what's wrong with the site, I can log in and post, but cannot comment on any of your blogs. I know that several of you are having issues too. If you haven't received any comments recently it's probably because we can't get them to go through. I have been following everyone as usual Jewlz, Jelbelle, Patty, & more, but commenting has become impossible. If any of you see this just want you to know that people are reading. Jewlz, I know you have been especially frustrated with it and fear losing your blogging material. I see you wrote that you also have a tumblr blog... is it possible for you to export your blog from 3FC (or import from tumblr) to send it to tumblr? Or another blog site? I vaguely remember Didi (Bits of String & Sealing Wax) posting something about importing/exporting before, at least I think I did... Maybe someone can leave a comment to shed some light of this for everyone. I've found that here at blogspot things are really easy to navigate and customize and offers a lot of extra features that wordpress does not. I have never used tumblr though so I can't offer any input there. I love blogspots following options too, as I can see everyone's blog that I follow from one page and know immediately as they update- No more random clicking around to see who's posted, YAH!  In any event, just wanted you all to know that I'm still reading. Hopefully it will be fixed soon or some of you will start blogs on other sites. Updates later, Pepa

Falling off Sucks

Not feeling too much like blogging so this will be a short one tonight. Big news! I went out and purchased a couple of nice things for the house, 1) a really cute breakfast nook set for half off at a going out of business sale and 2) I placed the order for a new washer and dryer! I'm extremely excited about the new washer and dryer, my old dryer went *boom* a few months ago and the washer is an old 6 cycle beast so it's going to be a real treat to have brand new appliances. Plus I can wash the massive piles of laundry that I've been dreading to take to the laundromat. It should be delivered within 4 weeks tops because the one I wanted was out of stock- no biggie though just something to look foward to. The nook set I think will stay in the box until we move somewhere smaller. Right now we have a large table with a leaf that probably won't fit into a small apartment- which I'm banking we'll move to next go around. I also got a lot of other odds and ends errands completed and am starting to feel less brain cluttered.

Forgot to mention when I went to buy groceries Sunday I had a huge win! There was my absolute favorite guilty pleasure bakery fudge on clearance for .99 cents (regular 4.99) and I resisted all temptation to buy it! HUGE WIN in my book! Tonight I broke out the kinect for the first time and played "Your Shape Fitness Evolved"... it kicked my ass and I'm so ashamed. It wasn't even hard exercise and I only did it for about 30 minutes. It really goes to show just how long I've been out of the gym and getting out of shape. For those of you that don't know, when you use Xbox Kinect it displays your body on the tv and sometimes does real video of yourself for play back and such- OMG I. AM. HUGE. I'm trying my best to not make this demoralizing, but it is no matter how many ways I try to look at it. I was really fit last summer and here I am 10 months later a fat slob that can barely do the step touch with out getting winded- what happened??? Do we really lose our fitness that fast? It actually motivates me to really go for this balls out now, but I'm really daunted by how hard this is going to be.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Headed in the Right Direction

Today I managed to get off the arse and go to get my healthy groceries! I also reorganized the kitchen cabinets and put away all the things I know I won't or shouldn't eat. I found quite a bit that will go bad before DH comes home so I think I'll post it free on CL for some one in need. I also was miffed to find that I had some freezer burnt chicken and turkey in the freezer. How the hell did that happen? Have I really not cooked a decent meal at home in that long? I truly do believe that this animal was not meant to have a job outside of the home, it seems like when I do things go to shit around here.

I also went out and bought the gel pens and notebooks for my food journal. I got a new "diary" and a day planner as well. I like to keep a diary while DH is on deployment, it gives me a way to stay organized and to remember important things. I'm sure one day when we're old I'll enjoy reading it too. I re-did some calculations since I'm behind now and it seems that the best plan is to aim for 3 pounds a week until June, and then scale back to 2 pounds a week for the rest of the time. I know that as I get smaller it will be harder to lose, so it actually works out well to give myself that jump. 3 pounds is a hefty goal for a gal my size to keep up with for that many weeks still and I know that I need to get started right away. By next Sunday I should be 180.6 or less for my first goal.

After I finish here I am going to eat a salad and then do some more cleaning. I've managed to get the living room in "living" status and I organized the kitchen, but still need to finish in there. I should send Safire a plane ticket and have her come mop my floors, she LIKES cleaning. If you see this you are completely welcome to come and take care of mine for me! :) Actually reading her posts about vacuuming and getting up to clean motivate me in a way, it makes me WANT to WANT to do it, lol. My bestie just got a nice new sectional sofa today and it looks amazing. I don't know if it's just the fact that her house is more modern or what, but I think their decor looks so much better. I really makes me want to just throw all my junk out and start over! I'll have to take pictures one day and let you guys give me some arrangement tips. I really want to redecorate, but DH thinks that we shouldn't get anything new while he's in the military because It'll just get messed up in the move. My only problem is, will we be able to afford it when he's out? My guess is no. He is one of those men that don't see a problem with hodgepodge furniture or dull drapery... sigh.

Not really anything else to say tonight, I should get moving so that I can play with the kinect tonight and burn some calories. Wish me luck!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Staring at my Brain

I feel like for the last few days I've been staring at my brain trying to will it to work. I finally feel back to normal as far as my stomach bug went, but I still can't seem to get motivated to begin. I've outlined before that I am a huge planner, without a plan I am lost. I feel like I can't get my brain into planning mode to get this ball rolling now. I am going to attempt to use this an a "flowing outlet" to get a plan set in stone.

Right now I'm on a backward schedule with me going to sleep around 7am and waking around 6pm, that needs to be modified a bit to at least get me up by 2pm or 3pm so that I can still run errands. I'm a night owl and I might as well embrace it and be happy while I can right? I don't really see the harm when it seems to be the rhythm my body wants anyway. Seeing how it is 3:30am now, I should be asleep by 5am to be awake by 3pm. Tomorrow my plan needs to be to go to the commissary and buy some healthy groceries to start supporting my diet. I also think I'm going to go a step further and box up all the food that I know I should not eat or will not eat (boxes of rice-a-roni, cans of tomato sauce, etc) so that my cabinets are open to fill with healthy foods. At least this way I can visually see when my healthy options are running low and I'll know that it's time to make a new shopping list. Before I go tomorrow I need to make a list, that means making a diet plan...

I already know that my calorie limit needs to be 1200 per day, so I need to plan my meals accordingly.

Safe Foods:
Salads with light dressing
Deli meat sandwiches with no mayo or cheese
Lowfat popcorn
Fiber bars
Light soups
Cottage cheese
Healthy microwave dinners
Skim milk
Steamed veggies
Chicken breast

That's a pretty good list to start with I think. I need to dig up some of my old food journals to make sure I'm not leaving out anything that I have used in the past. I also need to re-train myself to eat every two hours. This has done wonders for my metabolism in the past and also helps to keep me disciplined in my eating. I also need to go buy a shiny new food journal to start fresh and a pack of gel pens. I think that I can definitely start back on my healthy diet if I follow through with the above tomorrow.

How to start back going to the gym? Just do it? I wish it were that easy to overcome. Today I had planned on going, but I ended up doing some unimportant shit on the computer and watching  2 hours of "My Strange Affliction" on 20/20. I don't have cable so if an interesting show comes on "regular tv" I can usually talk myself out of doing whatever to catch it in the name of "how often does interesting shit come on regular tv"-dom. And now I'm realizing that I'm truly having a problem getting motivated, so I'm here blogging instead of hitting the 24 hour gym. Now considering that I need to be in bed in an hour ( it's now 4:00am) in order to re-adjust my schedule so that I can go get healthy food, I don't have time to go to the gym and should be making my grocery list and or cleaning out my refrigerator.

The next biggest factor in success for me is getting my house in order. I have frequently talked about this lately as well and it seems like it just isn't staying done. Believe it or not it was all done with the exception of my bathroom and our spare room, but then DH had to pack -that really messed more than you can imagine up. Combine that with me working the week before he left and then with the fact that I was throwing clothes everywhere each night that we went out and then he left and I got sick and WHAM! a big ass mess again. I am really going to get rid of a lot of shit this summer, I can feel it in my bones! I need to focus on cleaning tomorrow more than anything else, because I know once it's done I won't have anything mentally valid left to hold me back. If I can validate it, I can use it. If I can't then I won't, I'm at least honest with myself.

On the health front I'm eating an drinking as normal again and there isn't anymore puke or diarrhea so I'm good to go there. The annoying thing is I came out of this illness 3 pounds heavier than I began- ain't that some BS? I'm hoping it's just my body saying thank God you're eating again and that it will come off in a day or two. As of now I am 183.8 starting my journey almost a week behind schedule, this is going to suck, but it has to happen. I will update again after I have accomplished everything in my day ahead. Wish me luck and will my fat ass into the gym!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Strings of Events

I had fully intended on posting long before now, but things have been really hectic and I haven't had time or energy to write it all out. Where to begin? DH left on Tuesday and he had off Sunday and Monday before that so we tried to spend as much time as possible together before he left. We went to see John Carter, went out for dinner a few times, got ice cream, visited friends, and just stayed with each other. We talked a lot about how things went down last time and made some resolutions to make things different this go around. I felt and feel good about it this time.

On Monday night we were lying in bed around midnight and my stomach started hurting. I had experienced a similar pain the night before and cured it with Tums, so I thought it was some type of gas again. I ignored the pain for a bit, but then I knew it was coming... I puked all night. Probably 6-7 times, it was awful. I haven't been that sick in YEARS. I woke up the next day with a queasy tummy but was hopeful that I was better. Wrong! I then started on massive diarrhea... it sucked bad... I was going to the toilet every 20 minutes. I didn't eat anything all day and when I tried taking Pepto and drinking I puked again. I wasn't even able to go with DH to the airport. It had to be one of the worst experiences of my life, helpless I had to watch him drive away and knew I couldn't see him off. I still think I'm in a little bit of shock that I wasn't able to go to the airport with him.

I just layed in bed all day Tuesday and on Wednesday I woke up feeling 80% better, but still kind of yucky. I only ventured out to take a cab to the airport to retrieve DH's car and that wasn't until 10pm. I ate 2 pieces of toast and drank a lot of Gatorade all day. I was able to keep that down, so then I ate a small tv dinner. I slept again and this morning (Thursday), I woke up to a (yes, I'm going there) shart in my undies. Holy shit, we really do fart in our sleep! I'm going to burn those drawers when I feel better. Now I am back to diarrhea and fear eating for it will surely escape in liquid form. Now I'm kind of afraid to drink too, because face it who wants to have diarrhea for 3 days? I have went through 3 big rolls of toilet paper and a whole pack of wet wipes!

Needless to say I have not done anything productive and feel down right weak. I'm about to attempt eating and drinking, but If I wake up to more liquid shit tomorrow I'm going to the ER for fluids and not even going to attempt to use my digestive tract. Thank God I stopped throwing up though, I have a really small nasal/throat cavity and when I puke it comes out my nose and gets trapped in my sinuses and it thoroughly disgusting. I think that's why I have developed an iron stomach for fear of puking!

DH has arrived safely at his destination, I have talked to him twice since he left through IM and he got his phone turned on so at least now that is available. He has indoctrination the next 2 days and then I assume will start work Monday, maybe Sunday. He got put in a better living situation than last time with higher ranking enlisted, but he is farther from his treatment facility and the cab rides will be expensive (about $40 each way) so he is pondering asking to move to the other building where he can walk, but the young and restless that are housed there may pose a problem to his recovery. I just pray that he will be happy and healthy this time around.

I'd write more, but I think it's time to run to the loo again, sigh.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

3FC Bloggers

3FC seems to be having a lot of problems lately, I couldn't comment on any of my favorite bloggers over there. If you guys read this, know we still want to read and comment but the site has a programming error (or so says my microsoft thingy).

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


Sorry I've been absent the last couple of days, I've had a ton going on. DH really wants me to snuggle him tonight so I'll have to catch up commenting tomorrow. Have a good bloggy day!

Monday, March 5, 2012

So Tired!

The last couple of days have been SOOO long! I had to close the last 2 nights and tomorrow I'm there until 8:30pm, so I might as well be closing. We had a huge shipment at work today that came only an hour before the other employee left for the day, so I spent 4 hours unboxing crap rushing like hell to get it done so I could clean the place up. I think that's a big reason why I'm so tired of retail, I'm tired of cleaning up after other messy slobs. I have to do enough of that at home, do I really want to do it at work too? Or maybe it's the other way around, I do it so much at work that I despise it at home? Tonight was compounded by the fact a lone straggler moseyed on it at 8:44pm and guess what? This woman was either drunk or high on pills or something. SHE. WOULD. NOT. LEAVE. or take a hint. I tried all the tricks in the book and she kept forgetting which shoes she was trying on, she kept trying on the wrong size and when I'd keep reminding her to go to the right size she'd pick up something else to try on. NIGHTMARE! Then she wanted to look at shoes for her kids... all 4 of them! I told her the register was going to shut off, that went over her head. I turned off the music, I don't think she noticed. She didn't check out until 9:33pm (I'm supposed to be done with the money and locked up at 9:15pm) and you want to know what she does? Spends another 5 minutes looking at coupons on her cell phone, then when I hand her the recipet she says, "What time do you close?" I tell her 9pm. She says, "Oh man, do you know what time it is?" I tell her 9:39p. She says, "Are you salaried?" I say no. She says, "Why didn't you tell me you were closed, I would have kicked me out of here." I tell her, honestly we aren't allowed to tell customers that we are closed, they think it's bad for our image. I wanted to murder her, she wasted about 45 minutes of my life stumbling around messing up my cleaning, talking to me about jibberish and how "some bitch" needs to stop texting herabout getting home because she's loaning her $160.00 and the least she can do is watch her kids for a minute. GOD I HAD TO RANT ABOUT THAT! I wish I could have filmed that shit so everyone could see just what I was dealing with, uhg, only one more night then I have the next 3 off! Then I work saturday, then one day a week for the next 2 or 3 weeks and then I'm done. I seriously haven't been more ready.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Just a Day in the Closet

Just wanted to post to stay in the habit of doing it everyday whether I feel like it or not. Today I was off work and stayed in bed until 3pm, then got up and cleaned and organized our bedroom. I LOVE having a clean bedroom. Usually after about a week of cleanliness it starts reverting to a pig sty with clothing on the floor, shoes placed haphazardly in the walkways, movies & remote controls strewn on the night stands, jewelry spilling out of their boxes and scattered about. I attribute it all to being so rushed day to day, I have on several occasions been in such a rush to get ready that I rip all the clothes off the hangars and throw them on the floor because I can't find the one shirt I want to wear in my overflowing closet. Why is it overflowing you say? 1) Because I'm female and I like pretty things. 2) Because I have a clothes, shoe, & accessory addiction. & most influencing, 3) Because I have a full wardrobe of Mediums, Larges, Extra Larges, 2XL's, 8-10's, 10-12's, 12-14's, 14-16's, one size fits all, one size fits most, 8's, 9's, 10's, 11's, 12's, 13's.... need  I continue? If I actually got down to 120 I seriously get rid of most of what I own and start fresh, with one size, that would be a dream come true! I am going to get my camera and start my photo-journaling soon and I think one of the first things I'm going to post will be my closet! That's all for now folks, got work in 7 hours! 'Night!

PS: Created the new page "Weight Stats" located up top to track my weight and inches. I have already posted my starting inches and will comment more on that subject in my next post.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Six Month Challenge

As time starts ticking away I know it's time to get my plan together and set my goals for the next 6 months. I have some lofty goals and some pretty intensive challenges for myself. I am a very time oriented person, I like to know how my time will be spent and how much extra of it I will have for other things. I need to learn how to condense my daily activities to workout, run errands, do household chores, *self-pamper, and still have **free time. *Self-pamper is considered any activity that I normally skip due to time constraints, examples; exfoliating scrubs, straightening my hair daily, putting on lotion, painting my nails, dressing up, etc. **Free time is considered any activity not planned; web-surfing, tv watching, reading, calling relatives, etc. As it is I struggle to ever do anything nice for myself because everything else comes first, this soon will change. I want to spend this time re-learning how to structure my life and relax. I'm don't reflect a high strung personality on the outside but the truth is inside I'm wound tight mess! The last time I went to the massage therapist he told me (referring to my back shoulder area) "It's like you have steel cables in here." Does that sound like someone in a relaxed and stress free state? I need to learn to take back control of my life and take care of me. With all that said, here are the goals:

Weight Loss & Fitness:
I want to lose 60lbs, yes 60lbs, over the next 180 days. That averages out to 0.3 lbs per day or about 2.3 lbs per week. That is a weekly burn of 8050 calories + (insert calories eaten per week). My resting metabolic rate or RMR (amount of calories burned by doing nothing but living and breathing) is roughly 1,300 calories. I plan to stick to a 1,200 calorie per day diet plan, meaning that I must burn approximately 1007 calories a day additionally through exercise to reach my weekly goal of 8050 calories expended. Did you catch all that? I hope I explained it well. Simply put, I need to burn 1,000 calories a day through exercise while eating no more than 1,200 calories per day. The EATEN - RMR - BURN = -8050 DEFICIT. The calorie DEFICIT divided by 3,500 (amount of calories in a pound) = 2.3 lbs

I know I can do this, I used to burn 800 calories (tracked with my heart rate monitor) by strength training for about 45 minutes, elliptical for 45 minutes, and recumbent bike for 30 minutes. Even if I'm too tired to do anything else I can always keep pedaling that bike for awhile longer to push my 1,000. I'll switch out the strength training on certain days for something else, probably by slowly dying jogging on the treadmill or playing with the kinect. 10 lbs a month isn't a too large goal, but it's hard enough to keep me from being complacent I think. I'm figuring that my daily total workout time plus travel will be around 3 to 3.5 hours, plus my gym has tanning and red light therapy so I'll more than likely do one or the other each day making my total around 4 hours.

I had to go back through my old 3fc posts to figure out how much weight I'd gained and how fast. It seems that on/around June 15th I weighed approximately 154lbs, two months later on August 20th I had gained (which I attributed to the DH madness) to 162lbs, next around October 15th (I know for a fact because I was weighed after I had my miscarriage) I weighed 174.0 (and was quite upset about my gain). After the miscarriage I truly stopped all attempts at weight loss or tracking because of the holidays and circumstances which led me to 190 lbs around January 1st this year (O.O) , I have since dipped down to 184.0 and am hovering in this area. This morning I weighed 182.8 lbs. It averages out to me gaining about 4 pounds a month, I am currently 28 lbs heavier than I was when he can home last time. Dios mio, the progress that I have negated. I certainly haven't worked out any near the way I was last summer, so all the tone I gained is gone along with my strength. I can't fit most of my summer clothes and I really only have a couple pairs of jeans that fit, barely at that. I'm also disturbed at how much larger my lower stomach and hips have gotten. For example, I have this pair of dress pants that I bought in Florida when we first moved there in 2010, I know for a fact that I weighed 183 at that time because I signed up for Curves while there and that was my start weight. When I bought those pants they fit like a nice slack, fitted in the hip and a little loose on the thighs. Now when I put them on I can barely button them and my stomach pooch is so big I have to wear a long top to cover it up. Same weight but my lower tummy is huge! When I lost weight last summer and put those pants on they were so loose I could pull them out in front about 6 inches. I really truly wonder if the miscarriage triggered some "mom gene" in my body and caused this new weight distribution, it's scary!

All that said, when I lose 60 lbs, I'll be 120 lbs by mid-September. I know 120 is very small and its a lofty goal, but I am only 5'3- 120 is supposed to be a mid-range weight for my height. Also, by setting a big goal I feel like I'm more likely to push harder to reach it. Sure I'll be a little disappointed if I don't make it there, but I'll be thinner for trying I'm sure. I am going to re-measure myself again tonight and start a weight and measurement page, I know I'll do tracking, but I haven't decided how often. I got a new scale for Christmas that measures muscle mass, fat, bmi, and visceral fat. I know I'm going to track those numbers weekly and I will post all that on my weight stats page as well. Now that I've given you all the lowdown on my plan, I'm going to break it down and add a few miscellaneous goals in. These are my initial thoughts for the next 6 months, I'm sure I'll add a little bit here or there, but this is the bulk of what I want to accomplish for now.

Goals & Lifestyle Changes:
Lose 60 pounds by September 15th, 2012 to weigh 120 pounds.
Lose 50 inches off the tracked areas of my body
Wear a size 6 in jeans
Drink 120+ ounces of water a day
Burn 1,000 calories a day
Take a picture for photo-journaling everyday
Email DH everyday
Do something nice for myself everyday
Drink more coffee and less diet soda
Take a multivitamin everyday
Complete household overhaul
Make time every week to sew and read
Organize all my old film photos and album them
Pay off my auto loan
Save at least $4K

Did I mention that DH now believes they are leaving on the 13th, instead of the 16th? That leaves us only 10 days, 5 of which I am obligated to work. Sometimes the Navy life really really sucks.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Beautiful Day Today!

The temperature got up to 80 today in Virginia and seeing as how DH will miss out on the whole summer we took the chance to barbeque. I asked him what he wanted and he said, "Hot dogs, Keilbasa, and chicken... oooh ooh and macaroni and cheese pie." I obliged since it's what he wanted and he won't get too many more home cooked meals before he leaves. I of course, sampled everything, but didn't over do it. I am not even going to attempt to figure out how many calories I had though, so I'm giving my self a do-over on starting my new lifestyle today. I AM however, starting tomorrow because I didn't buy any junk at the grocery store and I've pretty much eaten any junk that was lying around already. I'm praying that the left over bbq doesn't temp me, I'm honest to God not a big meat person, but I LOVE chili dogs. Grew up on them and I know how to make banging hot dog chili!

*Serious TMI alert for all bloggers who haven't followed me previously, NOTE: I will pretty much share anything, we're all human right? And considering that I started as a weight loss blogger I'm not stranger to discussing fun bits like bowel movements and their shapes, colors, etc* Speaking of eating habits and all, OMG... I have had the WORST... GAS... of my life this week! It could clear rooms, peel wallpaper, or wilt flowers and I have no idea what's causing it. The only thing I've eaten that's new to me are Kudos bars, but I haven't had one of those in like 2 days and I'm still the stinky kid off Charlie Brown. It's mostly at night too and I'll seriously rip one every 10 minutes for like 3 hours. When I crawled into bed last night at about 3:30am I woke DH up and he got up to go to the bathroom- whilst he was relieving himself, I let one and when he opened the door and came back in all I heard was, "Uhhuhhmmph..." and he turned around and walked out. LOL, this shit is serious... I hope it clears up soon, until then beware I am a huge fire hazzard. *END TMI*

Also found out that DH's family are not going to make it this weekend after all, their trip was delayed and now they won't be able to squeeze us in. I'm sad for them and DH, but it did take a huge load off my shoulders. So tonight instead of cleaning like crazy I was able to spend time with DH and relax. I have to work a short shift tomorrow and then I'll be off Saturday to finish any chores around here. My last offical day is the 10th, but I offered to my boss to work 1 day a week for a couple of weeks so she can have a day off while she trains the newbies. It'll be on my terms though since my notice will be fulfilled and it feels pretty stress free knowing that. Don't think I mentioned it, but DH is working 12hrs days every day with no day off until further notice. It really sucks knowing it's so close and he has to work. They really don't pay these guys enough for all the psychological stress they have to put up with. I wanted to write a post today about my plan for this summer and my ideas for the blogs, but I think I'll have to save that for tomorrow now, well at least after I wake up today. Night, P

Thursday, March 1, 2012


No matter what, I can never go to sleep before midnight. It's usually not before 3 am most nights, are there a lot of people out there like this? I have to leave for work in 7 hours- thats LEAVE, not wake up lol. I have tried all sorts of things, tylenol pm, simply sleep, valerian root, melatonin, exercise, warm milk, dimming lights, narcotics, etc... The only thing that ever really put me to sleep was a muscle relaxer and darvocet and it's not like I can take those nightly to sleep with! Hell, they recalled darvocet because it apparently causes heart problems, I used to take that stuff for migranes, maybe I'll have a heart defect one day and we can call one of those tv laywers... "If your hurt, he'll come to you. Call Joel Bieber..." He, he, he, I've always wanted a reason to see if those dudes are as cheesy in real life as they are on tv, does anyone else see "Lowell the "Hammer" Stanley" on their tube? LOL

I think "night-owl-ism" is an inherited disease. My parents were night owls, I was a night owlet. My dad worked 3rd shift most of my childhood and I had a tradition that I would give him a kiss bye everynight right before he walked out the door. That means I was still awake at 11pm waaaay back then and I still had to get up at 6am to go to school. I wonder if all that research is legit about kids preforming better with more sleep- I was an honors student 3.8, I'm just saying here... My bestie thinks I'm a nut because I don't go to sleep with DH at night, I actually "tuck him in" with a kiss everynight by 9pm since he has to be up by 5am. I guess what feels so natural to one person might seem odd to someone else, but for me, I sleep when I can not when I want to. He complains that I don't snuggle him often enough, but we've been together long enough for him to know I can't help it. I don't think I'm too odd on this, but what do you think?

Can't believe how fast time is going by, it's Thursday already- another week almost done. Sixteen days until he leaves. Oh, I don't think I mentioned before but he will be gone at least until September maybe longer depending on the state of the world- this wasn't a planned mobilization as it is. I should go since I have to work and at least try to sleep tonight.